If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
