i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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