i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
