Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
