GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
