4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
