we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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