I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
