Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
