We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
