I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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