I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
