nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
