Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
