Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
