so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
