OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
