Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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