Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
