What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
my shit smells like andre
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
