did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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