Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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