Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
