Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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