We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
