oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
