Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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