absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
