We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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