i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
