Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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