So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
