I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
