I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
