i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
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I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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