Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
