your thong is hanging out like whoa
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
