Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
