he thought i was a dude.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
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If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
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My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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