I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
