I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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