You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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