Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
