She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Randomize
