i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
it's great music for shaving your balls
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
