We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
now i know why i became what i already was.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
