Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Randomize
