Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
You don't make any sense
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