my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
