had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
