Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
