yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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