Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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