That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
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Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
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I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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