This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
