He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
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