why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
